Sergei fished around in his pants for band-aids, and although he found several owls, no first-aid equipment could be procured...

Trusting in the owls' healing powers, Sergei started rubbing one of them all over the squirrel's wound. The squirrel lashed out at Sergei in its pain, and then devoured our poor protagonist...

The owl ate what little was left of Sergei, declared himself "The King of the World," and then flew to Spain where he married a hamster named Carmita. They were both consumed by sharks on their honeymoon...